(View in landscape on phones)
The relationship between me and my body is ever changing. My skin is like clay.
Variables of our wonderful and unpredictable environment. Plus time is both exciting and scary. It carves, adds to, takes away from – marks, sculpts and evolves our physical form. A sculpture, ever in motion. A map of pleasures and pressures endured.
When I was in my teens to early 20s I was a size 8, lean and unconcerned with body size and appearance. I was studying fashion and costume. I loved bright colourful clothes and make up, the crazier/bigger/ brighter/ tighter the better! Taking influences from the 80s pop culture mixed with a 1930s and 1940’s chique of Hollywood!
Now in my late 30s my body-image has shifted immensely, I am coming to terms with my less bendy, more injure-able, heavier body. The care I need to take just through movement has changed.
Phil’s photos have captured the playful ideals I still hold in my mind.
My dad taught me to headstand, handstand, cartwheel, hula-hoop on one leg hehehe when I was 5 years old! He used them in martial arts training. It is something I have never forgotten. But as I age … my body is less able to create the shapes it once did.
As I have aged, I have felt a real pull to darker clothes and “don’t look at me “ items. Just writing this saddens me. Feeling that because of my ageing I am no longer, or cannot wear the costume of the once confident, bubbly friendly spirit I once was.
I have always been slim. But slim with worry and anxiety. I loved hard and fell hard at the end of relationships. Bi-poolar is my story. One minute up….another in a spiral down. This has a massive impact on my body image. Which is why I found these words hard to write.
I have always preached body positivity but it wasn’t until I was uncomfortable with my shape and size, did I understand it. My one true grounding and positive influence is life modelling. I have been a life model since 2011. It has given me the confidence to change and grow “older and wider” in a positive way. Artists like the new curves and folds I was once ashamed of. They are now a badge I wear with pride.
A life model I look up to and admire, who has and still does influence me said, “Naked we vulnerable, nude we are empowered.” I still think of this each time I life model, it makes me feel fierce and proud. Something I do not always feel when I am clothed in everyday situations.
In my early 30’s I chose to try long term medication in the form of antidepressants. I put on 2 and a half stone…of which even after stopping them for over a year, I have never shifted the weight. I am learning to be comfortable in my new shape. It has been hard, but the more body positive people I meet. The more my confidence grows. So thank you, to all the supportive people who have shared their stories with me.
An Offering – A thank you to my Exoskeleton.
Things that keep me safe and warm on my adventures through life. In body and spirit. In the middle:
t-shirt of a loved one lost, a constant reminder to keep safe. boots, literal protection that have walked many floors
The bumbag that carries the essentials. Keys, phone, money, mirror, a pen. Though they may seem materialistic. Their meaning is more. Keeping me connected to my support network, safety essentials.
The hoody, a present from my partner, a memory, relationship, warmth / safety, softness.
Join in by contacting me via my contacts page.
Phil Pool - Art and Protest 