Lex

(View in landscape on phones) 2022 and 2024 below

Doing the project was a bit of a revelation for me. I was feeling things about being photographed. They weren’t nice things.

Lex in black trouser suit, doing the splits, wearing stripped fingerless gloves and holding a white bowler hat above her head.

My body has always seemed a bit alien to me. It never looks how I feel, it does things I’m not okay with. I’ve just always felt a bit separated from it.

Lex in black trouser suit wearing stripped fingerless gloves and holding a white bowler hat on her head.
Lex in black trouser suit wearing stripped fingerless gloves and holding a white bowler hat to her chest.

Maybe that’s an Autistic thing but my mind has always felt a very separate entity to my body. Getting into my 30s I tolerated it.

Going through pregnancy and giving birth made me sit up and genuinely take notice of it. It changed, I can’t even explain how much, but I had to form some kind of relationship with it if I was going to function as a mother and a human being.

Lex in black trouser suit wearing stripped fingerless gloves with a feather eye mask.

Now I feel like me and my body have a bit of an understanding of each other.

Lex naked but for being censored by a railing and a hat.

I was so worried about having to look at myself in those photos. Having them taken didn’t bother me. Neither did the random older men who suddenly wanted to stop their walk and have a look at was going on on a Hove beach.

I just thought I’d look “wrong”. Everything about my body feels “wrong”. I don’t know what changed.

Lex naked but for stripped fingerless gloves, laying across a railing, holding a white bowler hat.
Lex naked, from behind, but for stripped fingerless gloves, laying across a railing, holding a white bowler hat.

Maybe that it was it was a fun and comfortable experience, or that this wasn’t a photo to make me “look good” with a load of editing and make up.

Lex standing naked, but for stripped fingerless gloves, holding a white bowler hat above her head.
Lex standing naked, but for stripped fingerless gloves, holding a white bowler hat to the side.

I actually look at the photos and don’t hate my own body. I didn’t mind being silly with it or what anyone else might think.

I’m glad that I took part in this. Happy even. I’m going to try and listen to my body a bit more and treat it a bit better.

Lex standing naked, but for stripped fingerless gloves, holding a white bowler hat to the side.

Lex’s offering is a slowworm.

A photograph of Lex's offering which is one of the stripped fingerless gloves, as worn in the other photos.

This is a slowworm. Many people mistake them for snakes but they are actually very friendly and very useful for keeping pests like slugs and bugs down in the garden. They are actually harmless so please don’t hurt them.

2024

Revisiting this project was both fun and mind blowing.

I needed to hold space for my own body and not feel self conscious to myself. The first time, I had to be comfortable with onlookers and have the freedom to say “fuck it” and bear all.

This time it was just me. I was the one who I was embarrassed of.

I needed to hold space for my own body and not feel self conscious to myself.

It was revealing to me in that I remembered what my body was capable of. So I can’t just stand naked and vulnerable, but I can do back bends, I am flexible and I enjoyed and could still enjoy showing off what my body can do – to me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

Seeing the photos this time was completely different. I thought “aren’t bodies beautiful”. It was a big admission for me.

I’ve been confused about my gender. After the first photos, I’ve been more comfortable with identifying as a non binary person.

I no longer feel like a “wrong” woman. I’ve never felt like a man.

The photos make me feel sexless in a beautiful way and are reaffirming to me.

A great reminder that we need to hold space for ourselves.

Join in by contacting me via my contacts page.