Chan

December 2025 and January 2026

Why I Pose As A Nude Model

I have struggled with my body for as long as I can remember. Growing up, my biological father was constantly critical, telling me I needed to lose weight and making me feel as though my body was a problem to be fixed. From an early age, that belief settled deep inside me and followed me into adulthood.

I was fortunate to have a wonderful mother, sister, and stepdad who, through their care, guidance, and unwavering support, helped me begin my journey toward healing. They supported me as I learned to navigate the impact of the words and experiences that had shaped my early relationship with my body.

Another significant influence on my relationship with my body was hitting puberty early, before I was emotionally ready, and having to navigate the sudden shift into a woman’s body while still very much a child. My body changed quickly, drawing attention I did not understand or want.

I existed in an uncomfortable space, being told I was too large for my age and being sexualised, viewed in ways that felt invasive. That early confusion and loss of safety shaped how I learned to see my body, not as something neutral or kind, but as something that needed to be controlled, hidden, or apologised for.

Being a young woman in the late 90s and early 2000s made this even harder. There was a rigid narrative that being ultra slim was the only acceptable form of beauty, and my body never fitted that mould.

For years, I believed I was repulsive, wishing I could be everything I was not and unable to see any beauty in myself. I have spent many years unthreading the damage of my youth and slowly learning to appreciate the body and face that have carried me through my life.

I was already working toward self love and body positivity when I came across Phil’s photography. I first encountered it through friends who were modelling for them, and their bodies looked natural, honest, and beautiful. There was a softness and truth in the way Phil captured them. Phil shows the beauty of diversity, the kind of beauty I saw in others and slowly began to recognise in myself.

I knew the next step in my journey would be learning to see myself through eyes not shaped by my past. I toyed with the idea of modelling for several months before finally taking the leap.

Being part of Phil’s photography has been deeply cathartic, supporting my confidence, my relationship with my body, and the kindness I extend to myself. The process has not always been easy.

I pushed myself into poses that might traditionally be seen as unflattering and had to see my body from angles I had spent years avoiding.

As I confronted these truths, I became aware that I was not experiencing them alone.

I had Phil, and I also had wonderful people around me with whom I could speak honestly. Their support helped me recognise how deeply ingrained, toxic, and untrue my old beliefs had been, and how powerfully they had shaped the way I saw myself.

Over time, through these shoots, using my body as a form of artistic expression, reviewing the photographs, and really allowing myself to look, something began to shift. I started to see my body with more compassion, understanding, and gentleness than I ever had before.

Yes, my body looked like that, but it did not mean I was any less myself, or that my body was not beautiful. What I was seeing were not flaws, but evidence of a life lived.

I have come to understand my body as kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, where the cracks are not hidden but honoured as part of its history. My body is shaped by time, experience, and survival. The marks, changes, and imperfections are not something to erase, but something that holds meaning. They tell a story of resilience, growth, and continuity, making my body not lesser, but whole.

By the last shoot, I found myself standing there naked, holding a cup of tea, and suddenly realised I had forgotten that I was even naked. That moment was huge for me. I was comfortable simply being in my body, not trying to hide it, not overthinking, not performing. I was just being me.

Being photographed unclothed has been empowering. It has allowed me to experience my body as a form of expression rather than something to be scrutinised or judged. This process has been deeply therapeutic, offering space to heal, reflect, and reconnect with my body in a way that feels kind and grounded.

Since the photos were posted online for Phil’s Ages Project, I’ve experienced another profound outcome: the conversations I’ve had with my friends about confidence. Many shared that they would love to have photos taken, to experience that sense of liberation, but felt held back by the fear of exposure and criticism.

We also spoke about the sexualisation of the naked female body. Some of my friends instantly saw it as sexual. Through sharing my own experience, I was able to offer another perspective, that a naked female body is not always sexual, but can simply be human, natural, and beautiful.

These conversations made me reflect on my own journey and how liberating it has been to witness my body honestly and see it as my own rather than something to be judged.

Alongside these conversations, I’ve received an outpouring of positive feedback on my body and the way it was captured by Phil. Hearing people respond with admiration and appreciation has been incredibly affirming. It reinforces the confidence I’ve been building through this process and underscores how transformative it can be to see one’s body represented honestly, authentically, and beautifully.

Posing in my natural, naked form became a way to reclaim my body, to soften the old voices and replace them with my own. It allows me to be witnessed on my own terms, in my own skin, as something human, natural, and worthy.

It is not about perfection or performance. It is about healing, acceptance, and finally learning to see my body as mine, not shaped by other people’s opinions.

I am not going to lie and say there are never days when I am critical of my body, but those days are becoming fewer and further between. I am learning to stop those thoughts, recognise them for what they are, and acknowledge that they are maladaptive rather than letting them define me.

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[Phil – working with Chan has been a delight and inspirational. I’ve exposed my body, scars, wrinkles, fat etc from awkward angles too, and I also found it to be hugely beneficial. Every moment has been good, and some even more so. Largely, it’s been Chan’s openness, willingness and, more actively than most other people, being a partner in the creative process.

It has also been the laughs and moments, like the one Chan recalls here, when I also lightly noticed that between shots, we were just chatting and drinking tea – she was naked, I was not, and it didn’t matter or make any difference at all. We can all be entirely at ease with our naked bodies with our lovers, but we can also be so with others and it just be how we are – happy, confident, whole, joyful – we have evolved to be naked creatures under the sky, and I really think as with (proper – not sat in costumes) sauna culture, it’d do many of us good to spend more time naked, whole, with friends.]

Join in by contacting me via my contacts page.

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